In plain English, those who are emotionally intelligent can remove their emotions from the driver’s seat. This doesn’t mean they’ve stuffed them in the trunk so-to-speak, but perhaps buckled them safely in the passenger seat. This approach can easily separate the good leaders from the great ones.
How great leaders approach emotional intelligence:
1. They expect emotion at work. Most leaders are passionate about their work. Because they are emotionally invested, great leaders anticipate situations that may cause themselves and others internal discomfort. They (great leaders) are not surprised by emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, disappointment and pride. Because they expect these emotions, great leaders are able to buckle up, ride the wave of their feelings, and react appropriately.
2. They wait to react. Speaking of reactions, great leaders know (most likely through experience), that nothing good ever comes from immediate reaction when dealing with negative emotions. Great leaders push pause on sending the email, having the conversation, or addressing the issue. Twenty-four hours is usually enough time to navigate reactive emotions to safe ground, though more cumbersome and personal situations could require a few days.
3. They focus on understanding, not being understood. How many times have you found yourself in the middle of a “heated” discussion arguing desperately to be heard and understood by the other person? How many times has it worked? Great leaders realize the path to achieving desired outcomes is paved with swallowed pride, open ears and an attitude of compromise. A wise man once said, “You can be happy, or you can be right.”
Emotional intelligence begs us to tune in. Whether facing massive turnover issues in our organization, or another upsetting and albeit personal challenge, we are better served being in charge of our emotions rather than being ran by them. It could be wagered that this type of self-awareness is a lot like wisdom; it is something gained over time and through experience. That is often the case as many of us (myself included) insist upon learning lessons professionally and personally the hard way.
Through self-education and practice, wisdom is available for free (without the school of hard-knocks) as is emotional intelligence. Calmly asking anger, hurt and pride to hand over the keys and take a backseat to a more rational and planned approach is possible. The reward to this method will be decisions made based on rational rather than emotion; likened to building a house on solid ground versus the top of a volcano.