How To Increase Emotional Intelligence On Your Team

Companies place a lot of value on the abilities and skills employees bring to the workplace, but it’s important that we focus on being human as well. People naturally desire to connect and interact with other members of their teams, and successful businesses have figured out they must have employees who not only bring their intellect to the job, but also their emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ultimate soft skill, encompassing everything from the way we listen, communicate and resolve conflict to how our teams work together and stay motivated. The term surged in popularity in the 1990s, and it continues to garner significant attention today. When used effectively, emotional intelligence can defuse emotional situations, find the middle ground when personalities clash, handle toxic employees, and help communicate with sensitivity and finesse.

As unemployment rates remain steady and the competition for talent stays strong, organizations are looking beyond a job applicant’s traditional skill set to ensure the person is a good fit for the organization. Companies seek out managers and leaders who have high levels of empathy and emotional control and are adept at building trust, motivated and able to inspire employee loyalty.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

Personality and emotions are hardwired in each of us. You can’t control how something makes you feel.

However, emotionally intelligent people can choose how they react. They can learn to read and influence other people’s emotions and reactions. In the workplace, where relationships and interactions play a big role, helping employees develop this skill has big payoffs.

Think back to a time when emotions affected your work. Maybe you received a hastily worded email that hit you the wrong way. Rather than get clarification, you wasted time fretting or fired back an equally insensitive response. Or a moody colleague held the missing information for a project, but rather than poke the bear, you proceeded without that information. Over time, these interactions lead to stress and disengagement.

Emotions are not the problem. In fact, when channeled appropriately, strong emotions — even anger and frustration — can push us forward. Rather, the problem is our inability to manage emotions in the moment and know how to react to them in others.

As you hire new team members, asking interview questions focused on how potential employees react to situations can help gauge their emotional intelligence:

• What was the last time you failed at something?

• When was the last time you received negative feedback? How did you feel?

• Have you ever been frustrated at work? If so, how did you resolve it?

Listen for responses that include a job candidate’s ability to identify feelings. “I was angry at first, but when I gave it some thought, I realized I had an opportunity to grow. I don’t think my boss enjoyed giving me the feedback, but he was probably right that I could have done it better.” You’re also looking for signs that the person is accountable, notices other people’s feelings and doesn’t point a finger at teammates. It shows they can process emotions and then move on objectively.

How Managers Can Help Build Emotional Intelligence On Existing Teams

• Make sure leaders model appropriate behaviors: When leaders show up well, you’ll see it in the team. Are you emotionally self-aware and in control? Sharpen this skill by first paying attention to the physical changes that accompany your emotions, such as a queasy stomach or quickening pulse when you’re angry.

• Help employees learn to separate emotions from personality: Try this exercise: One leader puts a huge calendar on the wall, and team members marks the calendar with emojis signifying how they felt. Encouraging workers to say “I feel frustrated” rather than “I am frustrated” helps build emotional awareness.

• Make sure employees feel valued: When an employee has a voice, he or she feels more connected. Talk with workers often to find out how they feel about a change or project, giving them an opportunity to speak and feel listened to. Make it OK for them to tell you they feel angry, frustrated or apprehensive. Also show people you value them by saying thank you.

• Make feedback routine and fact–based: Giving (and receiving) negative and positive feedback helps everyone become a better employee. Questions are a great way to start. “How are you doing? What do you think?” If you’re giving negative feedback, don’t make it personal. Be open to hearing feedback from your team too. “If you were in my shoes, what would you change?” Be sure to control your reactions to what you hear. If you don’t like it, consider why, and pause before you respond.

• Make assertiveness training available to all employees: Explosive anger, resentment and frustration are often products of pent-up emotions. Speaking up appropriately is difficult for many people. Teaching employees how and when to address difficult situations and people helps prevent emotional flare-ups.

• Encourage stress management: Be aware of growing workloads, deadlines and stresses your workers are facing. When possible, lend support. Offer stress-reducing strategies and training to ensure fewer emotional ups and downs.

Emotions can be a valuable tool, even at work. By learning to read and influence other people’s emotions and reactions, emotional intelligence can provide a big payoff in your business.